8 Months

HAPPY 8 MONTH BIRTHDAY to my sweetest little angel Ainslee Ryan! First, I can't believe you are 8 months. Second, I can't believe you're not here to celebrate. 8 months was a big milestone for me. By 8 months, you're getting out of your newborn look and looking closer to being a year old. The only thing at this point that I have to compare what you might be like at 8 months, is to remember what Adrian was doing at 8 months. I'm sure you'd be doing it a lot quicker since you were a girl and also the 2nd born. You would have tried to do everything your brother was doing, I'm sure.

By 8 months you would be babbling a lot. You would be sitting up on your own, you would be on all fours and crawling around our house. You would be pulling up on so much. I can't help when I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner thinking that you should be at my feet pulling up on my legs. I miss that you're not here to do that. I miss that I don't have the joy of seeing you crawl around the corner, the joy of seeing you play with your brother, the joy of your beautiful face. You are so beautiful-I hope you know that. I'm sure you're more beautiful now than ever. I hope you know how much I love you. I hope you know I had so many plans, wishes, and dreams for you.

Since I can't have a picture of you on your 8 month birthday, here is a picture of what your brother looked like at 8 months so that I can try to remember how he was and imagine what you would be like.

I can't imagine you being this old. I sometimes can't imagine having a 2 year old and an 8 month old. This is how it was supposed to be. I just miss how it was supposed to be.

My dear Ainslee...please know that there's not a minute that goes by that I don't wish you were here. I think about you constantly. I wish you were here constantly. Today was such a hard day for me. I felt so out of control, so sad, so helpless. There is nothing I can do to fix this. And all the while, it seems as if life goes on for everyone else. I hate that life goes on. It seems that if you're not here, life should just stop. I know that it can't stop, and I know that I can't bring you back, but just know that your mother wishes on your 8 month birthday for a little peace. This peace comes through the understanding that our Lord will reunite you and I once again and what a celebration that will be. Until then, my girl, watch over your Mommy, Daddy and big brother. We love you oh so much.

Ainslee Ryan Soppe
***Picture taken at 2 1/2 months, just a month before she passed.


Always,

Channan