102 Days of Love! 4.19.2011

Again, I wrote this on 4.19.2011...

Ainslee's 102 "earthly" days were some of the most wonderful days I've ever had. As a mother, having the memories, the hopes, and the love your children, it makes this life worth more than just existing-you actually LIVE life.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Ainslee. I thought, "how am I ever going to love her the same as Adrian?" I soon came to find out I wouldn't. The love I have for Adrian and Ainslee are one in the same-yet completely different.

Each child gave me something a little different. Adrian is my sweetest boy-my partner in crime. He is so funny-always can make me laugh. He's my first born and although a toddler-forever my baby. He's my heart.

My precious Ainslee...she is my girl. She showed me a different love. She was completely dependent on me-she loved her Mommy. She would sit in my lap and we would talk to each other and it was one of the most sweetest sounds. When I would nurse her, an entire sense of peace would consume my body. She had such a contagious smile-so beautiful. Her hair was so dark, her eyes were dark brown, like her Daddy's. And when she smiled-so did her eyes. She is my heaven. When I'd give her a bath, I'd cover up her chest with a wash cloth to keep her warm. By 3 months old, she started to come around to baths. She didn't like to be cold. When she was a newborn, she'd like to get in Mommy and Daddy's bed to snuggle. When Mommy couldn't get her to sleep, I'd sit her upright on my chest...soon she'd snuggle in with her head nuzzled in my neck and she'd quickly fall asleep. It was one of THE best feelings. Heaven on earth.

I loved to put bows on Ainslee, and dress her in cute outfits. I think I had her entire first year's worth of outfits bought in hopes of seeing her in each one.

My love since that horrible day has continued to grow for my sweet angel as I'm sure it will continue to do. In the short time she was here, she showed me so much unconditional love-something you don't find too often. I'd give ANYTHING to have those 102 days back....

"God pick up the pieces. Put me back together again. You are my praise!" ~Psalm 17:14

Always,
Channan