Happy Birthday to Me!

Today marks my 30th birthday. Yep, 30. Old. Another October day I've been dreading. But, I've gotten through it, so far. I remember when my 28th birthday came around. It was my first birthday to have a child. I remember that it was a day that I felt so elated to have a birthday, to have a child to celebrate with on my birthday. I wasn't expecting that feeling. It was so unexpected and so wonderful. So, naturally this year I was excited to have this feeling all over again...this time with two of my babies. Only that was never to happen.

I've dreaded this day, thinking it was another October day of events that I would have a hard time getting through. But, all in all, it was a good birthday. It was a good birthday because Travis made it so special. He always makes my birthdays special. I never know what to expect, and he always ends up surpassing any expectations I could ever have. I don't tell him often enough, and maybe this is my way to do so, but he sure is a very special man and I'm so thankful to be married to a man that tries to bring a smile to my face and make me feel loved. He is good at doing that.

This morning I got up and immediately wanted to open my gift. I love gifts. And I love surprises. I opened my gift carefully and out I pulled my brand new....Fannie pack. Are you kidding me!? I know I'm 30, I know I'm headed into a new decade, but a Fannie Pack...seriously? After careful consideration of how I was going to be so ecstatic for my new Fannie Pack, I simply looked up at Travis and said...."a fannie pack?" He laughed and told me there was more to my "fannie pack" and to look inside.

Carefully placed in my beloved fannie pack, was what would help us to make memories for a long time to come. It was something I've wanted but never thought to ask for because it is such an investment. There laid my beautiful new Canon t3i. It's wonderful. I have A LOT to learn.

After opening my gift, we headed to church. I wanted to feel that Ainslee was with me, that she was singing me Happy Birthday too. The song during communion today was a song that was sung at her funeral. "On Eagle's Wings". I surprisingly didn't cry through it. I got choked up, but didn't cry. After that, the priest asked for everyone to be seated...all except expectant mothers....

God showed His grace, His mercy, His promise that He is taking care of us. He showed me during church that I am being looked after. He showed me that He is there, that Ainslee is there, and that there is hope for our future. Our Baby "Hope" will help us heal.

Baby "Hope" is due April 15, 2012. Yes, that is also Spring for SIDS day. Ironic huh? I am now 13 weeks pregnant and baby is doing great. I saw the baby on Tuesday and this is by far the most active baby I've had, highest heart beat I've ever seen-170.

So..even though Ainslee is not here, and I hate that more than anything...I technically have 3 children to celebrate my 30th with. I have 3 babies. 3 babies to help me be a better person, a better mother, a better wife, and to welcome another year...another decade. Here's to my 30's!

Always,
Channan