Sunday, February 12, 2012

A little grief and Maternity Pictures!

I want to start this post with my grief that decided to show up today. Travis and I went to 11 o'clock Mass this morning to celebrate the baptism of one of our dear church friends. This came on the one year memorial of Ainslee's funeral.

Her funeral was held at the same church, we were sitting in the same row of pews, just 2 rows back from where we sat the day we said goodbye. I held it together pretty well this morning. Baptisms are always emotional for me. I always find myself thinking about my own children and the life we've chosen to give them. The music surrounding every baptism is the same, and it brings back fond memories of the day I baptized my two children.

As we got to communion, the two songs to be sung were On Eagles Wings and Amazing Grace. These were the very two songs that I chose to have at Ainslee's funeral. One year ago, we were sitting in the same pews, singing the same two songs, and saying goodbye to our Ainslee. I found myself in an absolute mess. I was sobbing so hard in church. It can sometimes be borderline embarrassing, and on the other hand is completely uncontrollable.

After communion our priest asked to bless all married couples. I felt Travis and I needed that today to get added strength to keep going. We typically don't go to 11 o'clock because I am in the RCIA program right now and have to attend the 9 o'clock every Sunday for our dismissal. I've been in RCIA now for 9 months and on Easter will be able to fully celebrate in the Lord's Supper. I have thoroughly enjoyed my faith journey. I have loved getting to learn about the Catholic faith. I have seen how many misinterpretations have been given to me and it has been so fulfilling to find out all the wonderful answers. This has been a journey that I decided to take this past year due to all we had been through. I felt so connected to this church as we had both children baptized there, Ainslee's funeral mass there, and it only felt natural for me to continue that faith journey in myself. The same man that did all the baptisms and Ainslee's funeral is the same man that will welcome me into the Catholic church. I love this man and think he is just amazing. He is such a humble person and I can't think of anyone else that would be more fitting for guidance in the joys and sorrows that we've faced over the last couple of years. To say I'm eager for the Easter Vigil is an understatement. This is a time of great excitement to further my faith and this community has lifted me up daily. I can't say enough about the church we have found to call home.

Anyways, I didn't expect to go on a rant about how much I love our church, it just happened. I did want to share our day yesterday and how wonderful it was. We had maternity/family pictures yesterday afternoon and I love the sneak peek that we got. I'm so excited to see the rest of them. Here is our sneak peek of some of my favorites...The rest will come soon.

The little red shoes in the pictures are Ainslee's shoes. She wore these in our family pictures when she was 3 weeks old. I absolutely love the picture of all of our shoes because there are no people in them so I feel it is the best representation of our family. It looks like there are five of us. In actual pictures of us there always seems to be a piece missing with Ainslee not in them. But when you take the people out and just leave the shoes, then it looks complete to me.

After our long afternoon of pictures, Travis and I headed out for a little date night. We went and saw The Vow and realized it was our very first time out since Ainslee had passed away. It took us a year to get to that point where we felt okay to do that. We had a great time. Thankful for a night out with my husband.


  1. Love the pictures. Can't wait to see more :) Praying for you!!!

  2. I found your blog thru Hollie, The Drama Mama. Your story touched my heart. My cousin named her daughter Ainsley :)

    I went back thru your archives and read about your year. The Lord's grace is amazing. Time will ease your pain.

    I will keep you and your lovely family in my prayers. I'm excited about Hadlee. Her first year will bring you great joy, bittersweet moments, anxiety and so much deep love. Faith will carry you.

    God Bless,

  3. Beautiful pictures! I love them all! Your little man is gorgeous too. Praying for you always.

  4. Oh my goodness! The pictures are AMAZING! What a beautiful family!

  5. Aw, praying for you!!!!! I can't imagine your pain!

  6. i'm glad you love your church so much and i absolutely adore your maternity pictures!! they are precious. the shoe pic is so adorable!!!