Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Ainslee's Ministry

Two days ago I learned about the passing of another sweet little baby. As I saw the update on facebook come through, my heart sank. Someone else in this world was feeling the grief of losing a child. The day I found out, it would be that mother's first night without her baby. I remember that first night. It was awful. I remember briefly falling asleep to wake up frantically searching for my baby. I would try to see if I could grab Ainslee out of her bouncer only to find out she's really not there. I remember it all like it was just yesterday.

The girl that lost her baby is the sister of one of my sorority sisters from college. I reached out to my sorority sister to tell here I'm here should she need anything or any advice on what did or didn't work for us. All grief is different but I'm more than happy to share Ainslee and our lives. As I reached out to her, she reached out to me simultaneously. It was sadly "meant to be." Through a few messages on facebook and into the next day, I had offered my help once again and the mother who lost her baby told her sister, my sorority sister, that she wanted to see me immediately. I was over to their house within the hour. They oddly only live 5 minutes from my house.

I didn't know what I was going to say. I knew I couldn't fix it. I knew that nothing I could say was magical. But I knew she could look at another baby loss mother and see me still standing. I decided to bring some books that I found helpful including Heaven Is For Real, SIDS book, and a couple other helpful ones.

As I walked in the house I immediately knew who the mother was without being introduced and I engulfed her with my arms. We both sobbed. We sat on her bed and talked about her sweet baby Nico. We talked about his naps, changing his diapers, his smile, how he loves hearing his mother sing to him. She sobbed and kept saying she wants her baby. I remember saying that over and over. I told her things that helped me. I told her there's no magical method to this grief life. I told her not to reject any feelings, that they're all abnormally normal and part of grief. Guilt is normal. We all feel as mothers there was more we should have done or maybe in some way this was our fault. We fear divorce with our husbands, that they will leave us if they see how absolutely broken we are. We fear a lifetime of grief without our child. I validated all her feelings and told her they were all normal.

She talked about her faith in God and how it has been altered and that she can't believe He would take a child. I confirmed that He didn't take Nico or Ainslee but he did allow it. We live in a fallen world where things are allowed and it is then that faith steps in and carries us. Again, all normal. I gave her ideas for the funeral or things to contemplate that I wished I would have done. It would have been nice to have a "mentor" through this to tell me what to do.

I don't know if I helped her sweet soul or not, and I know that she's headed down a long grief journey, one in which I know all too well. But, I felt if she could simply see me still alive and breathing and rebuilding, then maybe, just maybe she'd get the hope she needs to keep going on this journey. It is easy to feel defeated and my hope was that she would feel a friend through the grief. If anything, I understand. It's that simple.

I've been praying for God to show me a way to get something good out of our grief with losing Ainslee. And He brought me to another mother. Ainslee's ministry is only just beginning. I know in this life that infant/child loss isn't done. More mothers will lose children and I hope that through Ainslee's ministry of love and hope, I will be able to show others that there will be a time when we can all just breathe.


  1. I am crying with you. It breaks my heart to see so many babies leaving this would so soon. Praying for your friend and praying that God continues to use you to help others.

  2. I just have to say - you are absolutly amazing. A TRUE inspiration.

  3. Thanks for taking care of our sweet Tina, she told us about you after the funeral and you were heaven sent to help comfort her. I am so sorry for your loss as well :(


  4. I lost my son (almost 3 years old) a month ago. It has been the toughest month ever. It's a pain no one should have to go through.