Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A weekend with Pappy!

So this is completely over due; however, here it is...our weekend. So, this last weekend Travis and I planned to head down to San Antonio. I haven't been down there since my Pappy got moved to a nursing home down there. It would be our first time out of town away from Adrian and I was so nervous about this. I almost chickened out many times. But I kept telling myself that I needed to see Pappy, this would be my only opportunity to before the holidays. Holidays are always so important to me to be with Pappy because I know our time is limited. I know everyone's time is limited, but obviously an 88 year old man has numbered days. I don't know when he'll be gone and I want to spend as much time with him as possible. He means so much to me.

We made the 5 hour trip down there on Saturday morning. I was getting nervous as we approached the nursing home. Was it going to be clean? Was the staff going to be nice? Was it going to be "good enough"? Let's be real. There's never anything good enough for the people you love. But, I tried to keep what's best for Pappy in the forefront of my mind and tried to keep a good head about it. We walked in, headed up the elevator to the 2nd floor....and there he was. At the end of the hall, in his wheel chair, waiting. I approached him as he had his back to me and he turned to me with a smile. Oh how I love this man. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. The first thing he asks me is, "have you seen your grandmother yet?" I got nervous and replied, "no." I planned to leave it at that, I didn't know if he was having a memory lapse or what was going on. He then said, "have you tried to call her?" I then replied, "not yet." He was persistent. As he always is with something he's passionate about. "Well you need to give her a call, she wants to see you," he says with his caring heart. "Pappy, remember Mima passed away a few years ago. " He says "yeah, I guess you're right. I just forgot, this is the only time this has happened." I told him she had a very important job to take care of my Ainslee and he got the picture. It was a momentary lapse of forgetfulness, sad nonetheless. I hated having to tell him this, almost like I was correcting him. But know he's still "with it," so if he has these temporary brief moments, I feel like I can still get him back on track.

We spent time visiting with him and took him on a walk around the facility outside with his dog. My aunt lives in San Antonio and now keeps his dog so she can take her up there every day. Here are a few pics of our day.

That night, we had a Thanksgiving dinner at the nursing home prepared by my family. I got to celebrate  "Thanksgiving" with Pappy. Pappy was at a retirement center prior to moving here and because he gradually became a 2 person assist, he wasn't able to stay there in our hometown in Oklahoma which was the driving force behind his move. There is such a difference between his retirement home and this nursing home. The quality of care isn't the problem, that is apparently great and exceeds family expectations. I haven't seen enough of it to make an educated judgement. From what I can see, the other tenants are not as "with it" nor are they able to do as much as he does. They don't look as good as he does. They do look like they would be in a nursing home, like your typical nursing home patients. I wish that there was no such place as a nursing home, with old patients that lose their independence, with quality of life slowly slipping away. It makes me so sad to see other people get old and lose this independence and revert back to a child with the dependence of others. I think it was hard to watch and see that this is what it's come down to for my Pappy. I've never wanted him in a nursing home. I grew up with my mom as a nurse in nursing homes and some of the things she would witness were inhumane, so I can't help but have anxiousness about nursing homes. I know there are great ones, and there are not so great ones. I just wish there was something in between the retirement center where he was and where he's at now.

As we left that day, I just cried and cried. I felt so sorry for him. I miss him so much all the time. He just means so much to me. He's always been there for me, he's provided for me, he's been my father, he's shown me stability, he's shown me what love looks like, he's been a faithful Godly man, he's been what I've looked for in my husband.

I got through my emotions, and started to smile thinking about returning back to my sweet Adrian. Oh it was great to see him. We walked in the door and he had made Mommy something special.

Handpicked flowers out of Grandma's garden in a gatorade bottle. Just precious. "Made you Momma." Oh he is so sweet. I've been trying out my new camera a lot more that Trav got me for my 30th this year, and I think I'm starting to figure some things out.

Tomorrow I go to check on Baby "Hope." I'm now 18 1/2 weeks pregnant. Tomorrow I don't have a sono scheduled, just an OB visit. My 20 week sono will be scheduled for 2 weeks from now. Here's an 18 1/2 week pic from today after a very busy work day.


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