Sunday, April 8, 2012

My Faith Statement

Happy Easter! It was such a blessed Easter for me. It amazes me what one simple year can do. While I still feel incredibly sad and miss Ainslee, I am much more content with where we are this year versus last Easter. I was in a fog last Easter and I do not miss it. I will share more about my evening at the Easter Vigil and all it meant to me. But, for now I wanted to simply share my faith statement that was read at the Easter Vigil.

My faith statement was read during my confirmation. My name was called and I walked to the altar and stood face to face with our Priest. The same Priest I absolutely adore. To my left, our sweet Deacon who also lost a child when she was 2 years old. I was in great company. As the head of our RCIA read my faith statement, I started to tremble, I was shaking. Our Priest closed his eyes, fighting back tears. Our Deacon was so careful with me, escorting me down the altar. He didn't do this for anyone else. The words that were read still moved me to hear. They were my journey. They were my life. It was my faith. And it was because of my daughter.

Faith Statement:

My faith journey started about 8 years ago upon meeting my husband, but it really took off when we started having children. I had always prayed for a Christian man, but didn’t know that my prayer that would be answered could also be challenging. I decided that the prayer I had prayed for, that I would let it be used for good in my life and embrace what was given to me. A strong Catholic man.

Life was blissful with the birth of our first child and then expecting our second. Our second wasn’t planned for us, but she instantly had a purpose. A purpose that would seem muddied at times, but is crystal clear now. After the birth of our second born, we wouldn’t be a family of four for long. She would pass away of SIDS at 3 ½ months old. And the day she was born into Heaven, I was given the light of her purpose in my life. I was shown that the prayer I had been praying for so long, for God to lead me in the right direction with faith, would be sent to me by Him, through my daughter. We baptized her at 2 months and the day she passed away, I knew it was then my job to continue not just my journey, but hers as well. The day of her funeral, I was already wanting the Eucharist to be a part of me and knew it was nothing I could receive at any church.

The last year has not only provided me with the faith I needed to continue on my faith journey, but my personal journey as well. The support was needed and God led me to the Catholic Church at just the right time. He sent His sweet little messenger, my daughter, to teach her mother her place in the church.

As I partake in the Eucharist, I know that all of Heaven will come down to celebrate such a Holy moment. As Jesus comes down as the heavenly host, and heaven surrounds us, I know that I will be as close to my daughter as I could be in this life.

Each step I take in this faith journey is done for me, for my family, and for my daughter. As I partake in the Lord’s Supper, in a heavenly host, I also am one with my daughter and help to continue her journey as well. Although her life was short, she lead her mother to the Catholic church at a time when I so needed it. Usually we as parents are teaching our children. It’s not often you receive the most valuable life lesson and faith opportunity through a 3 month old. I couldn’t be more thankful for her purpose, for my Catholic faith, and for the life given through the Eucharist.

1 comment:

  1. Welcome to the Catholic faith! I came across your blog last week and I couldn't stop reading it. I wept with you and now I celebrate with you. Such a tragic story is yours and also so beautiful. You have embraced your cross although very heavy at times with faith and devotion to our Lord. May your sweet little angel, Ainslee, always watch over you and your family. I look forward to continuing to follow your journey. You truly are an inspiration and have been in my thoughts and prayers the last several days.