Monday, August 8, 2011

Seriously, half a year!?

If someone would have ever told me that we'd be without our daugher, I wouldn't believe them. If somebody would have said you'll survive it 6 months down the road, I wouldn't believe them. I'm not sure how I'm doing this, how Travis is doing this, how Adrian is doing this....but we are. Many times I don't feel much strength to stand, no energy to cook, to clean, etc...but I still get up everyday and do the best I can do that day. Most days my best isn't great, but it's my best at this given time in my life. I miss Ainslee now more than I ever have before. The pain of her being gone has really hit now. Time keeps going, and it makes me feel further away from her.

Adrian and I went to the cemetery today at lunch and every time we get there together he runs out of the car straight to her "spot" and kneels down with his prayer hands, it's by far the cutest thing I've ever seen. It also can make me so sad to see how respectful a 2 year old can be of his little sister. He misses her so much too. I always pray with her before I leave and Adrian will either hold my hand while I pray or he'll do his prayer hands. There's something so sweet about seeing a 2 year old pray.

I have a hard time realizing that we've actually "made it" for 6 months. How has it been that we've managed for half a year? I'll never know. Half a year seems almost like a lifetime in perspective of the time we've been away from her. 6 months ago I definitely thought I was going to die with Ainslee. And to be honest, I still think that sometimes. But I'm reminded that I have so much to live for. I have the sweetest boy I could ever ask for. I have a great husband to care for. God is providing us with hope, He is showing us He has a plan for us. He will comfort us, He will sustain this hurt. And I have the most wonderful welcome when I get to heaven. What a joyous day that will be, to be reunited and hold my little girl once more.


1 comment:

  1. Channan, sounds like you are doing an amazing job w/ Adrian. How awesome that he runs to her and does his prayer hands...sounds like an amazing moment for you as their mom. Your post makes me cry. I don't know you and yet I think about you everyday. You're so right, He has a plan for you. Keep the hope.