We're Still Here

Well hello! It's been a long long over do post. But, I'm writing a little something since it's been so long. It doesn't matter how many kids you have, you never seem to be fully prepared for a newborn and all that comes along with it. Here's an update in our lives to catch everyone up and hopefully I'll be able to pick back up to blogging on a regular basis. I don't to ever forget what our lives were like the year we became a family of five. :) The last few weeks have been a lot of trial and error. I started Hadlee sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed. I loved it, she didn't. I think after I nursed her she didn't like being flat on her back. She wouldn't sleep for more than 20 minutes in it. So, it was time to switch it up. So, I started having her sleep in the nap nanny. The nap nanny makes me nervous for some reason, but she will sleep in it at night. She hates for her arms to be swaddled. So, I've adapted swaddling to include it underneath her arms so they are more free. Since we moved her from the bassinet, I can't use the angel care. So, I have her on the snuza (hooked onto the front of her diaper) and swaddled under her arms, sleeping on the nap nanny in our room next to me. Last night, I tried to put her back in the bassinet because I ultimately feel she is safer in there right next to our bed. The last few weeks, she has been more fussy. It's definitely not reflux, I've had a reflux baby and know what that consists of. She is more colicky. So, I'm reading The Happiest Baby on the Block. I'm slowly getting through the book and trying to implement various techniques to help make her happier. Instead of just nursing 7 minutes, burping and switching sides for another 7 minutes...I'm now feeding for a few minutes on one side, burping, same side for another few minutes, burping, same side again and then switching and doing the same process until she is content with eating. That seems to make her much happier and get her the necessary hind milk that fills her tummy up. Adrian is doing fabulous! He is adjusting to having another little sister beautifully. He is loving having her around and he loves doing things for us to help me or to help Hadlee. It is so nice to have another baby added to our family. I think it has been equally as healing for him as it has for us. Granted, my heart is still hurting and there is still a bleeding wound. But my 2 living children have helped to slow the bleed. Today I went out on a run and as I started running, had music blasting in my earphones, I started to feel guilty for enjoying a run. And the entire run I thought about Ainslee and my guilt that can seap in. I miss her terribly. All of our journeys are so different and bring on different emotions. We try to incorporate all these emotions and feelings into our life and embrace them as best as possible. Things Hadlee loves: She loves to talk, she likes to smile and she is learning to master these two techiques. I love when I can see her little personality start to come through. She loves loves taking baths. I cover her little chest with a warm wash cloth the same way I did our other two. She hates to be cold so I have to make the drying off process a quick one and get her all wrapped up and warm. She loves being bounced and being close to me. I can see pieces of Ainslee and she loves to hear about her big sister. Anytime I try to tell her of her big sister, I get emotional. I'm sure it'll always be that way. Adrian's birthday is this month and I have been so excited and happy to plan his birthday party. He is such a joy in my life. I love having him and hearing him tell me he loves me every day. He makes the pain of losing Ainslee more bearable. I'm so thankful for these two incredible blessings. I'm also thankful for being Ainslee's mother and knowing that I have a great welcoming when I get to Heaven. I'm so proud of her and thankful that I can say I have a daughter in Heaven. I would much rather her be here, but to know she has made it to the place we are all ultimately praying to be can be motivating. It's motivating in the fact that it keeps me going and keeps my faith. Keep praying for our family. Every day I am thankful to wake to another day with my children and I pray that I will have that same thankfulness when I am waking to them at the age of 80. Hopefully they'll have moved out, but will be very much a part of our lives.