This morning we got up, packed his lunch, got him ready...and we were off! I kept trying to tell him that he's going to be at school with his friends and he'll get to see the fishies at school and that he'll have a wonderful day. I reminded him that Mommy's not staying there with him but I will be there to pick him up right after his nap. I was a nervous wreck, so sick to my stomach.
As we walked up to the school hand in hand, he carried his little camo lunchbox, took his 1st day of school picture, and in we went. A lot of the 2 year olds were screaming as they detached from their mothers and were placed in the care of the teachers. Our turn came up....I gave him a kiss, or two, and then hugged him. I told him how much I loved him and that I will see him soon. He was picked up by the teacher, who by the way is the sweetest lady, and he had tears in his eyes and said, "bye Momma." It broke my heart.
The other kids in the class were crying and I stuck around to keep an eye on him through a little window so I felt "okay" about leaving. I saw that he was starting to cry b/c of the excitement of the other kids crying. But, I knew he'd eventually be okay and start having fun.
Today is just such a hard day for me. Travis is working the same shift (10am -7 pm) that he worked the day he dropped Adrian and Ainslee off at daycare. AND, it's a Tuesday. It's all too familiar to me and it really has brought up some sad emotions, more fear, and feelings of missing Ainslee more. I can't believe we're headed down this new journey in life, without her.
Adrian has just been my little savior. He has really helped me in this grieving process. He has shown me I have so much to live for. He is more than a blessing, more than I could ever ask for, he is my everything. And I am so so thankful for him. He can make me laugh, even when I don't want to. He can bring the smile back to my face. He can help me find more pieces of the "real me." I know I'll never be the same as I was the day before this happened, but he definitely helps bring a lot of light into our lives.
I'll be so ready to go get him at 2:30 and hear all about his first day. I hope it goes well. Only 4 more hours!
Oh..and BTW, HDS (Holton's Drive for SIDS) was a huge success! The numbers were all tallied and the total amount raised for SIDS research was:
$38,000!!!!!!!
We were so thankful to be a part of a wonderful cause and see the support of many people. Talk soon!
Always,
Channan
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