I Get a Little Bit Stronger...: Ainslee's Acts of Kindness

Today marks 10 months-10 months she's been with Jesus, 10 months since I've held her sweet body in my arms, 10 months since our lives were shattered. 10 months is so close to a year and I just can not begin to wrap my head around her being gone for a year. A year used to seem like a significant period of time, it used to take forever. Prior to losing Ainslee, I thought a year would give us plenty of time to heal. As we approach the 1 year mark, I see where we are in our grief...still unpredictable, still consumed with grief, still missing her. Although I will say that there are joyous moments that have been restored. Adrian and Hadlee help to restore that joy. Our lives changed 10 months ago, and essentially, they continue to change. We're preparing for Hadlee, we're mending broken hearts one day at a time, we're clinging together as a family.

As the Christmas season is upon us, and it's a time of caring, sharing, and giving....I am finally going to reach out and ask for help. I haven't asked for much help on my own since I've lost Ainslee. But, I think with asking for those of you willing to help our family this holiday, that it will make it brighter.

Ainslee would be a year and 2 months old this Christmas. She'd start to enjoy opening presents, seeing the lights, watching her brother light up from the smile on her face. This would be her second Christmas, our first without her. I am so so grateful to have had her first Christmas to hold her and love on her. If only I would have known how short our time would be. So, this year, I am ready to make new memories. And it's up to you to help.

I am asking you to help me fill Ainslee’s stocking with one of two things, or both should you be willing to do so. We would greatly appreciate it if you would 1) write her a letter. It could be about anything. Maybe what you remember about her, what you imagine she would be like, or how she has impacted your life. OR 2) I would like to challenge you to do one random act of kindness for someone between now and Christmas in honor of Ainslee. It can be small, it can be big, just as long as it is something that is kind and as long as you are doing it, you are thinking of our baby girl Ainslee. Once you have completed your random act of kindness, please write a description of what it was. When you have this or just a regular letter completed, please email them to me at texchic36@hotmail.com . In the subject line, please write MERRY CHRISTMAS AINSLEE! I will not be opening these until Christmas morning. Travis and I will go through them and read them together. I will know that it is a gift for Ainslee by the subject line you email me, and I will then print it out without reading it.

There are not any guidelines with what you write, or what you do for your act of kindness. It is simply to keep Ainslee's memory alive, especially now. Don't worry about writing the "right" thing, we appreciate any thoughts big and small. Again, we appreciate the continued support and I look forward to seeing our loving friends and family come together once again to make this season brighter.

Merry Christmas to all and especially to my angel....Ainslee Ryan.