5 Months

Today is 5 months she's been gone. How in the world has it been 5 months since I've held her in my arms?

We're headed out to the lakehouse this weekend and I'm hoping to have some much needed smiles in addition to all these tears. The tears, the sadness, the pain are all so exhausting. My energy levels and patience are not what they used to be. I don't mind getting away occasionally and I think it's probably good for us, but it's so hard to be away from Ainslee's nursery and from the cemetery. Travis and I go to the cemetery every day b/c we feel closer to her if we can go there and make sure that her "spot" is kept just as perfect as possible. We've had so many problems with grave robbers and it's so hard to feel that devastation each time someone decides to take from us AGAIN. I think we've already been taken from enough at this point. I just don't understand the mentality. We've had this happen probably 5 times. I put out her 4th of July flowers in a cute pot with a little American Flag last Friday and on Sunday night, before the 4th, it disappeared. I hate that. There's only so much we can still do for our daughter so these little things that people do to take from us, from her, are so awful. I always just feel so helpless. I couldn't protect her when she was here, and I can't protect her when she's gone.

So. Helpless.

On a different note, I've got a couple posts to catch up on. My sister had my sweet little nephew last Saturday and I need to post about him and share a couple of his pictures. We're also participating in a golf tournament in August for a little boy here named Holton. He passed of SIDS also. I need to post about that as well soon.

In the meantime, we're off to the lake with Adrian and all our friends. Pray that I'm able to have a relaxing time with people we love while remembering our sweet Angel. I pray that I can feel her presence always, knowing she's constantly with us. I pray that death will not keep us apart. I miss her so.

I love you Ainslee...always.

Love,
Channan