Happy 2nd Birthday Adrian Reese!

Today is Adrian's 2nd birthday! I can't tell you how incredibly blessed we feel to have spent another year with this sweet little boy. He is such a beautiful blessing and is my personal reason for living. He has seen me in some of my worst moments over the last 4 months and he is quite the little sweetheart. He has comforted me in some of my darkest times...something most 2 year olds aren't supposed to do. He does it naturally. He naturally consoles his mother. It's beautiful.

Today was a wonderful day with our sweet boy. We got up and we headed out to the Fort Worth Children's Museum. We had so much fun and Adrian just loved it. I did pretty well, I wasn't too sad at this point. It was easy to just focus on Adrian...this was His day. On our way to the museum he said Ainslee's name...and then said "in car." I asked if Ainslee was in the car with us and he said, "uh-huh". I was comforted to know she was going with us. She wasn't going to miss out on her big brother's birthday...nothing could stop her from being here with us.


After all of our much needed 3 hour long naps...Both grandparents and our family took our first trip to Chuck E Cheese. Adrian loved it! He had so much fun riding the little rides, climbing through the jungle gym (which Mommy had to do with him)....pretty sure my knees are going to be bruised tomorrow. 29 year olds are not meant for enclosed jungle gyms...but Adrian loved me being in there with him and going down the big slide together. He loved the little shows and loved the "mouse." We ate pizza, cherry tomatoes(Adrian's favorite), and had birthday cake. We had a wonderful time at Chuck E Cheese's. Here are a couple Chuck E Cheese pictures.......

After our Chuck E Cheese fun, it was time to go see sister. Before we left we got two balloons. One for Adrian to keep at home, and one for him to release to his sister. We got to the cemetery and were ready to release Ainslee's party balloon to her. We haven't released any balloons yet to her and so I didn't know what to expect. I had done so well most of the day....and as our sweet birthday boy, our little 2 year old, released a single Chuck E Cheese balloon to his baby sister.....it hit me. She wasn't here, she wasn't around to celebrate with us, she wasn't going to be 2, or even 1. I just can't believe this. I can't believe she's not here. I want her back, it hurts so bad. Seeing the balloon slowly fade into the sky reminded me of how very far away my girl is. This is what our life is now. Visiting a cemetery to keep her close, releasing a balloon so she has a piece of her brother's birthday, trying so desperately to hold onto her. Ainslee has to know how much not only her Mommy and Daddy love her, but how very much her older brother misses her. I see so much of her in this little boy and am so thankful for that.

At the age of 2, Adrian is doing so much and learning more and more everyday. His favorite things are trucks, tractors, cars, dinosaurs, playing hide and go seek, playing in water, digging in dirt...he's all BOY! He knows the colors red, blue, yellow, and green. We're working on orange, purple, white and black. When he counts instead of saying, "1, 2, 3, 4" he says, "no, no, no, no"...it's really funny. I'm so looking forward to watching this little boy grow and seeing his sister in him everyday is just wonderful.

Adrian-Happy birthday to the sweetest boy I know-I love you more than I could ever begin to tell you. You are absolutely my most precious blessing.

Ainslee-I miss you with every fiber I have in my body. I long to hold your body, to feel the weight of you in my arms. Keep a close eye on us, we need you now more than ever. Give your big brother a heavenly birthday kiss, he misses you so.

Always,
Channan